Borken Will

Sorry Momma :-) I get to see you so I figure it's all a wash.

I remember watching the women's marathon for the Summer Olympics a few years back. The favorite to win was England's Paula Radcliffe who currently holds women's marathon world record at 2:15:25. There was so much hope riding on her as it was one of England's few moments to shine. The race started well and she seemed to be doing very well. Towards the middle of the race things started to look a little shaky as she slowed. With about just 6 miles to go she suddenly quit, sat on the side of the road, and cried uncontrollably. I remember seeing the disappointment in the crowd, and seeing people yell "get up, get up", and Paula just sitting there crying. I thought to myself, how can you let your nation down like that. Why just quit? Why don't you at least just complete the race since you have come so far you and you have just a few more miles to go.

I now understand, as best I can, why she couldn't go on and why she was crying. After running 2:04:00 yesterday and only completing 10.64 miles I can understand her mental anguish. Yesterday's run was truly one of the lowest points, and highest points, I've felt for a long time.

The run started off on a different note as we set out at 4:00 PM. We usually run first thing in the morning as my body has never been able to adjust to exercise after food consumption. The wind was fierce which was another factor. I had mentally checked out which was probably the most important factor of all. After a mile in I told myself that this run will be tough as I already felt ill, and that I should liken it to my career. There will be many rocky patches but hopefully I'll prevail. This was probably the least helpful thought of all and the worste mindset to put myself in.

Our course started at REI's Speer location. We ran down the platte trail which is really all uphill, existed Downing St, up to Washington Park, around the park, and then back to the trail and home. Things seemed okay, although not stellar, until mile 7 at which time my body gave out.

The frustration I felt is difficult to describe. I wanted run, but my body just physically couldn't do it. My muscles had swelled and my joints were screaming with pain. I felt fatigued and every step felt like I was dragging a concrete block behind me. I couldn't stop the tears of frustration. It was such an overwhelming feeling of futility and anguish. I couldn't believe that my mind could not conquer matter.

I sent Mike ahead of me as I couldn't lead anymore and knew I just had to regroup. If he jogged ahead of me and I kept him in my sights he would then lead me home. Mile 8 and 9 were interspersed with .5 miles of running, and a minute of walking as it was the only way I could get through it. Mike waited for me ahead making sure I was at least moving forward. I started mile 10 optimistic knowing that I only had 1 more mile to go. If I just kept running a bit, walking a bit, I would eventually make it back.

At mile 10.5 I stopped to walk my minute, rounded a corner in the trail and saw the most beautiful sight before me. A bridge crossing over the Platte, and right behind it the railway tracks with REI looming over it. Mike was standing on the bridge waiting for me and when he saw me he raised his arms in triumph. I was so happy to see the final destination that I broke into a run to join him. Once it was over I was crying so uncontrollably I could hardly breathe. I had never been so happy to see a building before.

Well, I'm just glad the whole ordeal is over and done with. Our time was terrible but that is the least of my concerns. This experience gave me a whole new understanding into the mind of competitive athletes. It's incredible how fierce that will to succeed and conquer must be not only in the competitive environment but also in nature. If you have mentally checked out then it's really hard to check back in. Last week's run was much shorter at 1:40 but we probably ran close to the same distance.

The good news is that according to our ForeRunner the run burned 2740 calories! I had no idea how much energy we were burning. Our diet and lack of hydration is playing a bigger part now that our distances are getting higher and I need to pay more attention.

I had not used our watch before but it has a GPS system and calculates just about everything under the sun. You can download your running history with map's, etc. It has a virtual trainer that shows you how what your progress is compared to your goals. Fascinating.